She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
