I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
