I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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