We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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