fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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