my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
