So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize