Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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