also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
