I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
