She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
