got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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