remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
