adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
