Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Randomize
