...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
