i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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