I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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