Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I stole a fireplace last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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