I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
