I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
