All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
