Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
