So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
