So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
