I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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