You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I cannot find my penis.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
