You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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