I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
