You're my little dorito
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
