Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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