I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
