just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
