your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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