Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
