she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
whose ass print is on the piano?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
