I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize