I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
