So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
