my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You can't just leave with hair like that
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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