mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
