this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just want nice things and good sex
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
