Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
