Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We need to rekindle our bromance
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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