remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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