Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
