At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
