And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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