Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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