Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize