I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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