don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
