I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
