Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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