you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize