If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My penis needs a shock collar
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
