Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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