I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
