I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
