tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
