We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
