I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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