Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
