We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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