sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
