I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize