Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
