between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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