she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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