i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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