is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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