"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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