Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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