Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
