her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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