I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
