I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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