Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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