I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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