Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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