sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
